Welcome to Pop Star Vs A Vegetable. This highly scientific experiment is tasked with finding out what’s better – greens or Professor Greens? This week X Factor graduate and silver medallist Rebecca Ferguson goes up against the divisive cucumber. Keep reading for the results…
Popularity
Rebecca Ferguson has developed a semi-big following and came second in the 2010 series of the X Factor (otherwise known as ‘the last X Factor with our Chezza in it’).
A cucumber is used in a lot of salads but no one really eats it (or likes it – be honest).
Rebecca – 1 Cucumber – 0
Love life
Rebecca Ferguson famously dated One Direction hottie (but not as cute as Harry, let’s make that clear) Zayn Malik before the pair broke things off.
A cucumber has never dated anyone. It’s the geek of the vegetable world.
Rebecca – 1 Cucumber – 0
Morals
Rebecca Ferguson famously chastised Caroline Flack for maybe dating H. Styles when she herself was dating a much younger man. Read: hypocrital.
A cucumber, as far as we know, has pretty decent morals.
Rebecca – 0 Cucumber – 1
Controversy
Rebecca Ferguson’s biggest controversy was her not winning X Factor over perennial jumper-wearing serious artiste Matt Cardle (remember his album? Neither do we).
Some cucumbers killed 10 people in Spain last year due to a new virus strain – clearly has a bit more of an edge to it.
Rebecca – 0 Cucumber – 1
Taste
Rebecca Ferguson probably tastes like a human being should, something we won’t know about unless we convert to cannabilism (unlikely: a Krispy Kreme’s just opened up near MP! HQ).
A cucumber has a mild taste with slight crispiness that people either love or loathe.
Rebecca – 1 Cucumber – 0
Marketing
Rebecca’s debut album Heaven got to Number Three on the albums chart and sold nearly 140k in her opening week.
Cucumbers have sold a hell of a lot more and are available in almost every shop in the UK.
Rebecca – 0 Cucumber – 1
Location
Rebecca hails from the city of Liverpool, which gave us Desperate Scousewives.
Cucumbers originate from India, who gave us Bollywood and most of Britain’s favoured cuisine.
Rebecca – 0 Cucumber – 1
Talent
Rebecca can sing – pretty damn well, judging by the sound of Heaven (are we still sore about her losing out to Painter Boy? Maybe).
If a cucumber could sing, we have a horrible feeling that it would sound like a cross between the more annoying parts of ‘Swagger Jagger’ and something from one of the Alvin & The Chipmunks movie soundtracks.
Rebecca – 1 Cucumber – 0
Total: Rebecca – 4 Cucumber – 4
And the results mean that it’s a draw 4-4 between Rebecca Ferguson and the humble cucumber – however, we know which one we’d sooner have round for lunch. Check back next week to see which vegetable will be going head to head with a popstar!
